REUNITED

Newcastle Evening Chronicle, 27th November 2001

Dream come true for mum and daughter

TODAY we report on the moving story of a mother reunited with the daughter she hasn't seen for 36 years. hey told their stories to Chief Feature Writer EMMA ANDREWS

This moment wiped out 36 years of anguish for mum and daughter

Sad tale has happy ending

BEING thrown out on the streets just because you are pregnant and not married is something that, hopefully, just wouldn't happen in today's society.
But back in the I960s the unmarried mothers, whose only sin was to let passion get the better of them, were the target of an unjust, judgemental regime which was determined to teach them a lesson they would never forget.
For most, abandoned by their families, their only choice was one of the bleak, unmarried mothers' homes dotted about the country.
These places weren't designed for comfort and reassurance. They were dreary, cold places where heavily pregnant women were forced to scrub floors on their hands and knees just days before they gave birth.
They were also the places where mums were told they had to give up their children for adoption because they simply had no other option open to them.
This, in fact, was a lie. There were options, but the birth mums weren't told.
It is hard to imagine what May Burge went through during her confinement with daughter Helen. She says simply that parting with her six-week-old baby daughter broke her heart. But today's story of their reunion after 36 years is a light at the end of a long, dark tunnel, bringing hope to other mums across the country. We wish May and her daughter all the luck in the world as they attempt to make up for the lost years.

THE MOTHER'S STORY

May Burge

MAY Burge was cuddling her baby close in her arms the day they came to take her tiny daughter away at the Hopedene unmarried mothers home in Newcastle.
She had only had six weeks with the daughter she had named Helen - but in that short time May grew to love Helen with all her heart.
"I wasn't even allowed to go to the window to get a final glimpse of my baby as she was carried away for a new life, far away from me.
"I had bought her this lovely little lemon outfit to make her look her best and she looked beautiful. I was so proud of her. I didn't want to give her up but I was told I had no choice. It broke my heart."
Ashington nurse May was 37 and seven months pregnant when her parents John and Chrissie threw her out. She had already had a son, Keith, to ex boyfriend Stan, but her parents refused to accept another "mistake".
"They were very angry with me about Keith but accepted him," said May. "But they wouldn't entertain the idea of another child in the house - especially when I still wasn't married.
"I was the black sheep of the family, the one who had brought shame to the house. But I am not a bad person, I have just had bad luck in my life."
May fell pregnant with Helen after a year-and-a-half relationship with boyfriend Bill. "I am afraid passion got the better of us but as soon as he found out I was pregnant he didn't want to know."
May heard about Hopedene from a friend. "It was my last hope," she said. "I had nowhere else to go."
May's first impressions of the hostel run by the Salvation Army were gleaming wooden floors and polished banisters. "It was beautiful,' she said. "But I didn't know that I would be polishing those floors, on my hands and knees, just days before I gave birth.
"They worked you hard and we all slept in the freezing attics where there was no heating. It was mid winter and I still remember the cold."
May, along with the other girls, was marched to the Salvation Army Citadel every Sunday where she was urged to repent her sins.
"Everyone knew who we were. And if we refused to get up to repent our sins we were prodded in the back until we did. It was a harsh, unforgiving place. But the thing I am most angry about is that they never told me there were options - that I could have kept Helen if I wanted to. "I only found out later that I could have got a flat, some money, and had a chance to raise my daughter myself. But I was made to feel that I would be kicked out on the streets with my baby if I insisted on keeping her."
May gave birth with little pain relief and no comforting words. "It was traumatic,' she said. "But Helen was so beautiful. She had this gorgeous fair skin and blonde hair and this wonderful smile."
Now 74, and recovering from a mastectomy after breast cancer was diagnosed just a few weeks ago, May had given up all hope of ever seeing her beautiful daughter again.
But then, just a few weeks ago, a local newspaper ad would give her hope for the first time in the 36 years since her daughter was taken from her.
Her daughter Helen, now named Elisha, was trying desperately to find her mother and had sought help from an agency called Trackers run by Pat Basquill.
The ad simply mentioned a reunion.
"I called Pat and she told me my daughter wanted to see me," said May.
"It was the most wonderful moment of my life. I still can't believe it's true. And seeing Helen again is the answer to all my prayers. She still has that beautiful smile.
"I just hope that she doesn't blame me, or think too badly of me."
May went on to have another daughter, Alison, 29, who has her own baby daughter Brooke. "Things were different then," said May. "I was still single after another failed relationship but I had my own flat and my own choices to make."
Alison, her brother Keith and his family can't wait to meet the new addition to their family. "We are all so excited," said May. "I just wanted to take Helen in my arms and give her a big cuddle - and now I've done that I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my heart.
"It means everything to me that I have found her. This Christmas is going to be the best ever."

COMFORT: May and Elisha can catch up with all the years they've missed thanks to Pat at Trackers

The Daughter's Story

Elisha Straughan

ELISHA Straughan was told she was adopted at nine-years-old - and it shattered her world.
"I just didn't know who I was anymore," said the 36-year-old from Newcastle. "I remember crying out for my real mother, wondering why she wasn't with me, why she had left.
"I had always felt that I was different, that I didn't belong. But I felt like a rug had been pulled out from under my feet. Everything was so uncertain."
Elisha vowed then that one day she would find her mother. But it wasn't until she was a mother herself that she finally plucked up the courage to go the Trackers agency and ask for help.
"I have been told so many things in my life about my mother and for a while I didn't know what to believe," said Elisha. "I was told my parents had died in a car crash, then I was told that my mother was married and had had an affair.
"I didn't find out the real truth until I spoke to Pat at Trackers and she told me about Hopedene. Now I feel so sad for my mum.
"My adoptive parents didn't want me to find my mum but I knew it was something I had to do. I didn't want to hurt them but it was my decision, and mine alone. I needed to find my mum, to find out where I came from."
It was Elisha's birth certificate that gave her the first clue of where her mum may be. "It gave me a name, but it also gave me Hopedene, which was a start," said Elisha. "It didn't mean anything to me until I read an article in the Chronicle about Pat at Trackers and what the mums went through at Hopedene.
"I rang Pat straight away and she promised to do all she could. It took her three months, but she did it."
Elisha will never forget the day she found out her mum was alive and well and wanted to see her too.
"Pat rang me all excited," said Elisha. "Then she blurted it all out I just froze, the phone fell to the ground and I collapsed on the bed. My head just went blank, all the questions came later. What was she like, how old was she, did I have any brothers or sisters? It was just all too much.
"After the initial shock elation just took over. I felt on top of the world."
Elisha doesn't blame her mother for giving her up.
"Now I know the truth I don't feel angry or rejected," said Elisha. "I don't believe in judging people until you have heard their side of the story.
"I just want my mum to be a part of my life. I want her to meet my children, to catch up on all the years we have missed.
"I have so many questions, but at the moment I am just focusing on seeing her and giving her a big cuddle. Seeing her again is a dream come true."
Elisha lives with her youngest daughter Chloe, four, in Newcastle where she is a student studying Arabic. Her other three children, aged 16, 14 and 11, are with their Dad.
Life is busy but Elisha has always had time to think about her mum. "She was always in my thoughts, especially on my birthday, November 9, when I would wonder if she was thinking of me.
"I am not expecting miracles. I know it may take some time but at least I know now she is going to be a part of my life. And I don't want to lose her again."

ANOTHER SUCCESS: May and her daughter Elisha pictured with Pat Basquill who runs
the Trackers agency

Raw deal for lone mothers

TRACKERS, an agency dedicated to reuniting birth mums with their lost children, is run by Pat Basquill who was herself forced to give her baby daughter up for adoption as an unmarried mum in the 1960s. "We were made to feel we
were criminals when we were
young girls who had made a mistake,' said Ashington girl Pat.
In 1946 an Act was passed giving unmarried mothers the same levels of benefit as widows with children, but the birth mums weren't told. Procedures were also put in place for foster carers to look after the babies until the birth mums were ready to take on their own child, but they weren't told. National assistance, welfare support and housing benefits were also available but again, the birth mums weren't told. "It was adoption by duress," said Pat
There are more than 750,000 women in Britain with stories like Pat's, according to the Natural Parents' Support Group.
A survey of these women has found that 77 per cent felt the adoption of their child had been obtained through deceit, coercion or false information.
Around 95 per cent did not know other options were open to them and a further 1.5 percent thought abortion was the only alternative to adoption. Pat has spent years researching these vulnerable young girls for her book Moral Cleansing in which she interviews 500 birth mums. She is hoping the book will be published soon.
Pat has since traced her daughter who wants nothing to do with her. "She blames me, and she won't listen to what I have to say," said Pat. "I will never forgive the system for what happened to me and my child."
Today's reunion marks a landmark in Pat's career, her 1000th successful reunion through her agency.
If you would like help please call Pat on (0161) 483 7324

BOND: Elisha with her youngest daughter Chloe, 4

Copyright © Patricia Basquill, 2002 - 2008