Gloria's True Story: We Revealed Our Mum's Afair To Get Our Long-Lost Sister Back

Best, Issue 28/04, 13th July 2004

Feature: Lucy Laing and Eleanor Simons
Photos: Gary Roberts

Gloria Hawkins, 54, always knew she had a younger sister somewhere, the result of an affair between her mother and another man. But it was 40 years before she finally found her...
That day 40 years ago is as clear in my mind as though it were yesterday. I was 13 and on the way back home with my auntie. As we went past the hospital on the way into town, my auntie turned to me. "Your mum's in there - do you want to go and see her?" she asked.
I had no idea why my mum, Nell, was in the hospital, but when we walked into the ward, she was sitting up in bed, holding a newborn baby. She looked tired, and a little sad.
"Who's this?" I asked.
"This is Elizabeth," she said. I'd had no idea she was even pregnant. I was one of five children, though, so it didn't seem like a big deal.
But when I asked when Mum was bringing her home, she replied, "I can't. Elizabeth hasn't got the same dad as you. And, after today, we'll never speak about this again."
And, indeed, as long as my parents were alive, we knew not to speak of it with them. But my elder sister Marie and brothers Roy and Tony never forgot about our little sister. We knew Mum had had a secret baby after having an affair, and that our dad George told her to choose between the new baby or her family.

We'd always had a stable family life in Montgomery, Shropshire, and felt loved and happy. Of course Mum and Dad argued at times, but I hadn't noticed any real problems before Elizabeth was born. And if anything, after Mum came back from hospital, they seemed happier than before.
Then my elder brother Tony died in a car accident when he was 22. My parents were grief-stricken, but their marriage survived.
As time passed, I found out a little more. Mum had had an affair with a man called Arthur. He'd met Mum while living in Montgomery, but had moved 30 miles away. He had no idea she'd been pregnant and had his baby. Some time later, Arthur moved back to Montgomery. He and Mum remained friendly, and we'd see him around, but nothing was ever said about what had happened.
I left home and, aged 20, I married Albert. We had a daughter, Karen, who's now 34, and were very happy.
But I never forgot about my little sister. I thought about her growing up and wondered what she knew about her 'real' mum. Marie and I would talk about it, wishing we could meet her. But even as adults, we knew we couldn't question our parents' wishes - it would upset them to mention it.
Dad died of cancer when he was 74. Afterwards, Mum and Arthur became close again until he died 14 years ago. But she never felt she had the right to try to contact Elizabeth.
She died of a heart attack in 1998, and we were all distraught. But, with both our parents gone, Marie and I felt that we could at last talk about finding our long-lost sister.
We'd assumed our younger sister Caryl somehow knew about Mum's secret baby, too. But we were wrong.
"What do you think about us trying to get in touch with Elizabeth?" Marie asked her one day.
"Who's Elizabeth?" Caryl asked. So we had to explain everything.
"Why did no one tell me?" Caryl said, shocked and upset. As time passed, though, she understood why it had been kept secret - and she was keen to find Elizabeth, too.
It was a big step, going against our parents' wishes and revealing all about our mum's affair. But we were desperate to find our long-lost sister. Besides, none of my parents' friends or relatives were alive, so we didn't feel that we were upsetting anyone.
I was at home a lot at the time as Albert had been diagnosed with cancer. So I took charge of looking for our sister. At first, I thought it would be easy. I knew Elizabeth had been bom in August 1963, and the name of the hospital, and I managed to get a copy of her birth certificate. But finding out who she'd been adopted by proved more difficult. None of the adoption agencies seemed to have any records of her.
Then Albert got ill and, two years after I started looking for my sister, he died. We'd been married for 32 years and it was a terrible loss, so for a while I was too wrapped up in my own grief to think about looking for Elizabeth.

But one day Marie read an article about a woman who had found her husband's mother through an agency called Trackers International, which reunites people. I got hold of the number and spoke to a woman called Pat. “I’m sure we can find your sister," she said.
A mixture of elation and fear rushed through me. Was I finally going to meet the sister I'd last seen in my mother's arms 40 years ago?
The woman she'd found had been named Barbara by her adoptive family and was living in Wrexham, just 30 miles from Montgomery.
We agreed that Pat would contact her first so it would be less of a shock.
A few days later Pat rang me back. "I've been talking to your sister," she began. "She's expecting your call."
My heart was in my mouth as I dialled Barbara's number. Pat said she had a good feeling about it, but I still wasn't sure what reception I would get. "Hello, is that Barbara?" I asked, my voice shaking.
"Yes, is that Gloria?" she cried out. "I'm so happy you rang!" She was weeping with joy, and soon I was joining in. Almost straightaway it was obvious Barbara and I were sisters. We laughed at the same things, and just clicked instantly.
Barbara told me she'd known she was adopted since she was eight, but didn't know anything about her birth parents, or that she had three sisters and a brother. She'd been adopted by a couple with no children of their own and been brought up in Wrexham.
I told her about our mum, the affair and why she'd had to give her up. "I'm sorry to have to tell you,' I then said, "but our mum's dead.
Barbara was silent.
"Well, I never expected to find her - but I've found you," she said.
A week later, Marie, Caryl, Roy and I all went to Barbara's home. It was incredible meeting her - she looked like all of us, and, like me, she loved walks in the country and poetry.
We spent the day talking, laughing and looking through old photos. We met her daughters, Rachel, 16, and Ellen, 13, and her husband Allan.
That was five months ago. Now we see Barbara once a week and speak on the phone regularly. Barbara had tried to look for us before. She’s not bitter that Mum gave her up. She understood that, by keeping her, she’d have lost her husband and other children.
As far as we know, Arthur didn't have much family, but Barbara might decide one day to track them down.
We can't help regretting that Mum never got to meet her daughter, and that it took us 40 years to be reunited. But we can't change the past. We can make the most of the present and the future, though. Barbara, 40, says "In Gloria and my other sisters, I've found my soul mates. I had a very happy childhood with my adoptive mum and dad, but now I feel my life's complete. I feel no anger towards Nell. She felt she couldn't wreck her family and break her marriage vows"

Trackers International, tel. 0161-483 7324, or visit www.uktrackers.co.uk

After Nell's husband George died, she renewed her friendship with Arthur (above)

'A mixture of elation and fear ran through me - was I going to meet my sister at last?'

Reunited after 40 years. From left: Barbara, Roy and wife, and Gloria. They all now mett up regularly

Copyright © Patricia Basquill, 2002 - 2008