Mothers Reunited - Shunned Single Mums Find Their Lost Children

Sunday Mail, 20th June 2004

by Julia Hunt

Big Brother's Jason is set to meet the mother who gave him up for adoption 28 years ago. But will their reunion be
bitter or sweet?
JULIA HUNT spoke to three women who tracked down the children they feared they'd never see again..

Ursula... found Anne-Marie after 47 years

My girl: Ursula with Anne-Marie and the newspaper story that put them in touch

URSULA REYNOLDS, 61, thought she would never see her daughter again when she handed her over for adoption in Glasgow 43 years ago.
At just 17 and with strict Catholic parents, unmarried Ursula had no hope of keeping the baby, later named Anne-Marie by her adoptive parents.
Ursula was forced to hide the pregnancy from her brothers and sisters and was seat away to a mother and baby home six weeks before the birth.
Her siblings only found out what she had been through 10 years ago when she decided to trace her daughter.

Plea

She made a plea in a newspaper wishing her a happy birthday and asking her to get in touch. A friend spotted it and alerted Anne-Marie.
Since their reunion, Ursula has been able to explain the circumstances of her daughter's birth and build a good relationship with her.
She said: "I was terrified to discover I was pregnant and felt completely alone.
"My parents wouldn't let me keep the baby and I thought adoption was my only choice.
"I married and had two sons but could never forget my daughter.
"My sons are very special but I still wondered about what happened to my girl. I decided to find her at the time of the Fred West murders.
Many victims would have been her age and I just wanted to know she was safe and well."
Anne-Marie had grown up in Glasgow with strict parents who were in their 40s when she was adopted.
She only found out the truth at 19 when going through so of her mother's documents.
At 21, Anne-Marie became pregnant and her baby boy was adopted through the same Catholic agency her mother had used.
Ursula, who now lives in Surrey, said: "It was a big shock for her finding out she was adopted.
"Our reunion was very emotional, we had so much to catch up on but we have managed now and there doesn't seem to be any gap.
"I really didn't know what to expect but it's amazing how many similarities we have.
"I thought it was so sad she'd ended up with parents who thought the same way as mine and didn't support her when she was pregnant.
"But there is life after adoption and I have no regrets about tracing my daughter."
To trace someone, log on to www.uktrackers.co.uk

PAULINE BIRD, 60, never imagined her son would be put up for adoption when she left him with a social worker during a short hospital stay.
The single mum had become exhausted after months of caring for a sick child and needed time to recover.
The lad was placed with foster parents who kept him away from her so long a court eventually decided they could adopt him.
Pauline vowed to trace her beloved boy before his 21st birthday to give him his card in person.
Her wish came true and they were reunited just before Gavin's 21st and have become closer since.
She said: "When I put Gavin into care I thought it was for a few months... not forever.
"I will always remember him holding on to my neck then screaming for me to come back. I had no idea it would be the last time I'd see him again until he was grown up.
"The foster parents wanted Gavin for good the moment they got him so they did everything they could to break the bond between us.
"I came out of hospital looking forward to seeing him but they wouldn't let me.
" I went to my solicitor but it dragged on so long by the time we got to court they felt it was in his best interests to stay where he was."
Pauline felt she had been betrayed and was devastated to be told she would never see her son again and took an overdose.
She said: "I felt like life wasn't worth living without him. It seemed so wrong he was living with strangers."
When Pauline was diagnosed with leukaemia four years ago she became desperate to find Gavin before she died.
She got in touch with Trackers International, who traced him in less than three months.
Pauline of Sunderland, said: "Seeing Gavin again was amazing. He put his arms around me like when he was a little boy and told me he was so happy to see me.
"His adoptive parents had given him everything he needed financially and he had been on lots of fancy holidays but he hadn't been happy and had a nervous breakdown as a teenager.
"He had always known he was adopted and for his seventh birthday he said he blew out the candles on his cake wishing I would come and find him.
"He's now 23 and deciding what he wants to do with his future but at least I know I can be part of it."

Pat... found (and lost) Elaine after 35 years

Changed days: Pat with her brother Ian when she was seven months pregnant

PAT BASQUILL, 58, didn't even know how babies were born what she fell pregnant at 15.
She had been going out with boyfriend Sean for three years and they wanted to get married but her family were against it.
Pat was determined to keep her daughter and refused to sign adoption papers but she was taken away by social workers and adopted in Inverness.
It took Pat 35 years to trace the baby she called Elaine - but instead of a-happy reunion she faced a cold young woman.

Wrenched

She said: "Last time I saw my baby she was nine weeks old.
"I was breast-feeding her when she was wrenched from me by two social workers.
"I was desperate to let her know what had happened.
"When I finally tracked her down she was as cold as ice and didn't want to know me.
"The first thing she asked was the name of her father and at the end of the conversation she said, 'This is amazing, I don't feel anything, I'm completely emotionally detached.'"
Pat's daughter, now called Julia, broke all contact after three phone calls.
She said: "When she was taken I felt like I was being cut open like a rusty can and my insides pulled out. I believed Sean would come for us but my father kept him away. He didn't want me to marry a Catholic and wouldn't welcome the child of a Catholic into his family.
"He sent a solicitor to tell Sean I'd had an illegal abortion. Nobody would tell him where I was and as I gave birth he was in jail for hitting a man who was withholding information."
After returning home Pat married a man in the RAF.
She said "My husband was very violent. I now have two perforated ear drums and a curved spine which means I require a wheelchair.
"We eventually divorced but at the time I thought it was punishment from God for not being able to prevent them adopting my baby."
Pat, who now lives in Stockport, remarried and has three
grown-up children.
Her experrience led her to set up Trackers International, an organisation which reunites natural parents and children and she now campaigns for better
understanding of what happened in the I956s and 60s. She said: "We were
entitled to the same financial help as widows but nobody told us our rights so very few adoptions were with the informed consent of the mother.
"I don't know exactly what my daughter's adoptive parents told her about me but I don't think it was the truth.
"I put the right information on social work files which she can access. I check each year but she's never wanted to know.
"Even if she doesn't want any contact I'm glad I found her. At least I know she's well and happy in her own way."

Big Brother's Jason

No regrets: Mum Ursula

"It's so sad she had parents like mine who didn't support her when she was pregnant"

Treasured tot: Gavin aged two

"I remember him screaming for me to come back. I'd no idea I wouldn't see him again until he was 21"

Rejected: But Pat's glad she traced her daughter

"It felt like I was being cut open like a rusty can and my insides pulled out"

Copyright © Patricia Basquill, 2002 - 2008